How to Setup Your Kid for Failure in Life
November 19th, 2008 by AlexStep 1) Name him/her after a notorious underworld figure - and don’t forget to fuck up on the spelling.
Step 2) Finished.
I mean, really. This kid shouldn’t even be on trial. His parents should be dragged before the judge and asked if they saw a crack possession charge coming when they named their bundle of joy “Dalcapone Alpaccino.”
I would pay a serious chunk of change to hear just a piece of the conversation about how Dalcapone got named…
Mom: Let’s name this thing Lucciano Pescci Denirogotti.
Dad: Nah woman, Dalcapone Alpaccino.
Mom: Nailed it!
Hmmm, I wonder if anyone else was unlucky enough to be named Dalcapone? Yep, this douche was.
Back to Dalcapone Alpaccino, his whole docket’s available online, but you shouldn’t be able to charge anyone with parents as stupid as this. No matter what he allegedly did, it’s not all his fault, he didn’t even get a fair start.
Man Busted When Police Call Leads to Warrant
November 12th, 2008 by Perry
Something smells funky in this story, just like it did for the officers who responded to a Sheboygan resident’s call for help. The police officers arrested Justin Luecke after they found a marijuana pipe in his bedroom.
The reason they were there? Luecke called the police to report a robbery and officers said they found the pipe in plain view. The complaint said officers got a warrant and returned to find marijuana, “packaging” and a scale. Luecke now faces up to 26 months in jail if convicted on all charges, including felony marijuana possession.
Yeah, there’s no way that could be pronounced, “Luh-key.”
USPS Shouldn’t Be Your Dealer
November 11th, 2008 by Perry
Some people reach pretty big levels of idiocy in their lives, but I guess the saying holds true – everything is bigger in Texas. Three people were arrested in Monson, Texas when they went to pick up a package at the post office that had more than six pounds of weed in it.
Police obtained a search warrant for the package and found that it was carefully packaged with duct-tape, vacuum-sealed in several layers of plastic, with powdered soap between the layers in an apparent effort to conceal the odor of the marijuana, documents state.
Ah smart, you three have thought of everything. Wait.
Monson’s police dog, a black Labrador named Atys, was allowed to check the package and he alerted indicating there were drugs inside, document state.
Annnnnnd right there folks is one of many reasons that the USPS just isn’t a good idea to send government-considered narcotics. Not to mention you could be charged on a federal level.
Washington Coed Booked for Bong Smashing
November 10th, 2008 by Perry
Over the weekend, a Bellingham, WA resident who tried to help a friend that was getting arrested, intervened and got involved in all the wrong ways. Her friend was pulled over and arrested with more than 30 bags of weed packaged for sale, a scale and a couple bongs. Sensing imminent danger, like Wonder Woman, she sprung into action.
While officers were preparing to cite the driver with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver, the woman grabbed the bongs and started running.
Later after being detained, she told the officer she was trying to help her friend avoid a paraphernalia charge. It sounds to me like the classic “bong grab-n-dash” but the next time you smash someone’s bongs to try and help them, please don’t.
The friend, as it turns out, wasn’t getting charged with paraphernalia possesion. Even if he was, it wouldn’t have mattered that she smashed the bong to pieces. Additionally, if you’re over 18, which it turns out her friend was not, you can submit a request to get evidence back after a trial. Yet, since he was a minor, she just saved the officer some time by breaking the paraphernalia and got herself booked too.
Erratic Driving and Mobile Greenhouse Do Not Mix
October 20th, 2008 by Perry
Word to the wise. If you’re going to drive erratically, make sure you unload the plants and grow kit you’re storing in the back of your vehicle.
How dumb is this guy? Well, this excerpt here sums it up pretty well:
Police arrested Jarrick M. Franc, 36, at 10:17 p.m. Saturday after an officer witnessed Franc nearly hit a parked car while traveling at a high rate of speed near Rockford Avenue and Augusta Street, police said. The officer pulled over Franc and noticed several large plants occupying the cargo area of the van that Franc was driving. There was a distinct smell of marijuana, the report states.
Apparently, you can’t just drive around in a moving greenhouse anymore? I’m sorry, I thought this was America.
Florida Couple to Share Shitbag of the Month Award
October 17th, 2008 by Perry
It takes a lot to offend me, but leaving out your bag of weed so your 18-month old child can wander in and eat from it, is wrong on a lot of levels.
Who does that? Way to take every negative stoner stereotype, magnify it by ten and then get on national news for everyone in the country to see. How dim does that poor kid’s future look? When I saw the mugshots of his parents, the first thing I thought was relief that the baby didn’t find any meth.
Another Ridiculous Anti-Drug PSA
October 3rd, 2008 by PerryAnother Oscar worthy joint by AboveTheInfluence, this video is 1 of the 8 major commercials in rotation by the most amusingly pointless anti-drug group out there.
Obviously whoever created this brilliant little short understands the importance of arming America’s youth with good, honest information about the evils of drug abuse. I know every time I’ve gotten high, I think to myself, “This feels just like a kick to the nuts by an angry horse.” This one is right up there with the stoners who run over the little girl leaving the drive-thru.
If the government would just admit marijuana is not that harmful to adults, it wouldn’t entice so many kids to try other drugs when they found out the bullshit behind these scare campaigns. It’s really that simple. Unfortunately, the government would rather waste tax dollars on moronic metaphors and over-stretched cliches.
Travis Henry Busted For Drug Operation
October 2nd, 2008 by Perry
I probably wouldn’t enjoy it so much, if he weren’t such a dirtbag.
Travis Henry, former Bills, Titans and Broncos running back, was recently arrested for a part he allegedly played, in an interstate cocaine-marijuana smuggling ring. Henry is also facing a one-year suspension for repeated violations of the league’s drug policy in a separate incident. But that’s only if another team actually signs him (which is unlikely because the charges he’s facing carry a maximum of life in prison.)
Some athletes like to help the kids, Henry just likes to create them. It was in the record for a Georgia paternity suit that Henry had fathered nine children with nine different women.
