Snuggles Smuggles Weed
April 12th, 2007 by Alex
Hopefully, everyone read the Easter Grass article late last week.
It’s pretty impressive when people completely screw up at drug dealing, even when they prepare for police encounters. All Ian Lawrence had to do was drive legally. Assuming he wouldn’t be able to pull that off, he hid his weed in a damn Easter bunny.
The plan was flawless. The execution? Not quite as on point…
If you’re going to hide weed in your car, don’t leave some on the back seat. Oh and while you’re at it, try to take some preventative measures from having the entire car reek like dank. Police officers can be slow at times, but they’re not complete morons.
On top of the driving related charges against Ian, he was also tagged with possession of marijuana, operating a drug factory and possession with intent to sell within 1,500 feet of a school.
Ah well, at least Snuggles has been released from a life of servitude.
Avoid Hitting State Patrol Cars @ 70mph
March 8th, 2007 by Alex
It’s been a while since someone has straight-out qualified for our dumbass category, but this guy brings the game to a whole new level.
Instead of waiting for police to actually determine he was doing something illegal and then arrest him, the 54 year old driver (pictured above) decided to slam his Chevy Malibu into a police cruiser at 70 miles per hour.
After attending to the officer with minor injuries, police found 43 pounds of marijuana in his trunk. They also found a few smoked joints and trace amounts of cocaine. After everything was figured out, the driver was charged with possession of cocaine, driving under the influence and trafficking.
If there’s any lesson to be learned here by criminals, it has to be buy a redbull to keep yourself awake and don’t do cocaine while you’re driving. Dumbass.
[via Local 6]
Tucker Carlson Owns Congressman
February 13th, 2007 by AlexLife tends to throw curveballs every once in a while, so I try to stay prepared. However, something that no one could prepare me for was this video of Tucker Carlson laying a verbal smackdown on the ultra-conservative congressman, Rep. Mark Souder.
This clip is great on many levels:
- It’s always fun to see a political hot-air bag sputter out total bullshit answers to very straight forward questions
- Tucker’s smug expression during the majority of the interview had to be infuriating for the congressman
- Tucker admits to knowing “many” casual pot smokers and flat out tells the congressman he is wrong
I’d feel bad for Mark Souder, but he’s brought this on himself. It’s crystal clear that he is the result of when political agendas and rhetoric overtake the rational, thinking mind.
Even Marc Emery has a bone to pick with this guy.
Tucker Carlson: 1
Conservative Politicians: 0
The Dangers of Trivial Pursuit
January 4th, 2007 by Alex
Well, it looks like the so-called “party in a box” has done it again. That’s right everyone, Trivial Pursuit has claimed yet another victim.
I still remember in elementary school when the D.A.R.E officers came by and warned all of my class not only about gateway drugs, but also gateway boardgames.
It looks like Flurisha Cooper, a 21 year-old from Chicago, just wasn’t fortunate enough to receive the same anti-drug education that I got. She was hospitalized due to over-intoxication from playing a special type of Trivial Pursuit called the ‘Brandy & Blunts’ Edition.
The rules are simple, if you answer wrong you have to either take a shot of brandy or a rip from a blunt. Now this sounds like a board game I can get into, especially since I get every single damn question wrong. Coincidentally, that’s what got Flurisha in trouble also.
So why is this article such a comedy goldmine? Never mind the author being diligent enough to inform us that Flurisha was the yellow piece, it’s because this might be the first recorded case of illness due to “continually providing wrong answers.”
[via CBS Chicago]
Golf Bloggers Shouldn’t Give Life Lessons
December 21st, 2006 by Alex
Michelle Wie taking advice from someone who was neither highly-successful nor popular at a young age is laughable at best. Still, let’s break this piece of garbage down:
Back in May, I blogged about a troubling study that revealed the “2005 National Collegiate Athletic Association survey of a sampling of golfers indicated … marijuana use by 25 percent, according to the NCAA.” That’s right, A QUARTER of U.S. college golfers tested smoke grass!
This survey of a sampling that Mark Nessmith is talking about was actually conducted anonymously. In other words, this quasi-solid study doesn’t necessarily represent the entire NCAA golfing population and basing his assumptions on it is dangerous at best.
As a professional golfer and Nike pitchwoman, I know Michelle is not eligible for the Stanford golf team. But I’d be willing to bet she ends up spending a good bit of time with collegiate golfers there.
Michelle, I have to assume you’re reading this (if not, Jesse can pass it along), I have some advice for you:
Perhaps you’d have to be high to think you’ll ever win on the PGA Tour, and it might be tempting to go along with the college golf crowd, but PLEASE say no to drugs. You’ve just got too much to do and too many things to accomplish. And remember, quitters never win. Don’t be no fool, stay in school.
Seriously? “Don’t be no fool, stay in school?” That’s probably the lamest thing I’ve read yet this month and that takes some skill.
I suppose Michelle should never be allowed to drink a beer or smoke a cigarette? How about eat a Krispy Kreme? Those are all unhealthy for her! Can’t Mr. Morality help Michelle make more life decisions?
I’ve got an idea, how about this guy lets a 17 year old girl who’s already accomplished more than him make up her own mind and live life the way she wants to? Being accepted to Stanford deserves a congratulations, not a weak attempt at being the PGA’s version of DARE.
Teenager Busted Selling Pot on MySpace
December 15th, 2006 by Alex
David Carroll, your normal pro-weed / anti-thinking teenager got busted for trying to sell pot over the internet. With a profile that mentioned marijuana in multiple places, Carroll admitted having access to it & had pictures of himself blazed.
Undercover officers contacted the kid and he agreed to sell them 2 ounces of buds. Carroll met them at a local gas station and was arrested immediately. NBC 2 reports that, “the police say checking what kids post on websites like MySpace is becoming a top priority for their department.”
This obviously isn’t the smartest idea ever. Just ask the people who got busted attempting the exact same thing on CraigsList. Also, it looks like authorities have taken down his MySpace profile because exhaustive searching has netted zero results.
Hopefully, anyone that reads this site and smokes herb is smart enough not to try and sell any over the internet. Spread the word.
[via NBC 2]
Think Before You Fight
December 7th, 2006 by Alex
Ah yes, it’s been a while since a complete moron has shown up on the news radar, but not anymore.
Nicholas Loiola, 27, got into a serious fight with his brother. A big enough one for police to be called in to stop the show. Unfortunately for Nicholas, that’s not the only thing they stopped.
Upon entering the home, officers smelled a very familiar plant. A search warrant was put into motion, and before Nicholas knew what hit him, his house was being searched from top to bottom.
This time, just searching the top was enough. In the attic, police found 50+ marijuana plants weighing over 10 pounds. They also found a MAC-11 9mm pistol and a Glock 9mm semi-auto pistol.
So, first let’s check out the felony charges: four counts of third-degree criminal possession of a weapon, three counts of first-degree criminal possession of marijuana and fourth-degree criminal possession of stolen property. And now the misdemeanors; second-degree menacing, fourth-degree criminal mischief and unlawful possession of marijuana. Ouch.
Described as a “sophisticated marijuana growing operation,” it’s ironic that Nicholas didn’t have the brains to avoid situations where police are invited into his home. Oh well, lesson learned the hard way I guess.
[via The Journal News]
Rocket Scientist Breaks into Prison
November 20th, 2006 by Tim
I’m not a card-carrying MENSA member, but there are a few things in this world I learned instinctively. Let’s take jail for instance. Jail is a place I stay away from, especially voluntarily. Looks like a genius in England learned this the hard way.
An intruder snuck over an 8ft tall fence into the HMP (Her Majesty’s Prison) Kirkham facility. The plan was to stash drugs and other goodies for his brother to sell to other inmates. While trying to climb back over the fence, he was cornered by prison guards and arrested. They found his stash hidden inside a garbage can.
So what was worth breaking into jail to deliver? Let’s take a look:
Heroin
Weed
Steroids
3 liters of vodka
3 bottles of Southern Comfort
3 bottles of Bacardi
80 cigarettes
18 DVDs
2 mobile phones
Calling cards
Phone chargers
And, a partridge in a pear tree
You could probably open a small retail store with that sort of inventory. Not surprisingly, both the dude who jumped the fence and his accomplice were caught. Now they can all hang out in their favorite place – jail. Together. Again.
[via Daily Mail: London]
