Teen Sells Fake Shrooms, Faces Real Time
July 6th, 2009 by Rick
Long story short.
Dumbass in New Hampshire and two accomplices come up with the brilliant idea of selling store bought shiitake mushrooms, mixed with blue food coloring, as a hallucinogenic drug for $900. Unfortunately for them, the person buying the mushroom was a CI (cooperating individual or confidential informant,) who gladly told the police about the deal. The Police used serial trackable money and staked out the “drug” buy.
The result lead the seller directly to jail and trial, where he was sentenced 1-3 years in a state prison for selling a controlled substance and conspiracy to sell a controlled substance. His other two buddies are facing charges as well. Only in America.
Idiot Calls 911 Twice Without Emergency
July 1st, 2009 by Rick
20-year old, Michael Kruse of Jacksonville, FL had already called the 911 emergency line once and been given a stern warning by the police but apparently this guy is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic.
The first time he called 911 he claimed he felt sick, but the dispatcher couldn’t quite understand him through his slurred words.
An excerpt from the first call:
Dispatch: Are you sure you haven’t taken something sir? Because you’re not making a whole lot of sense.
Caller: I’ve been smoking marijuana.
Dispatch: You’ve been smoking marijuana?
Caller: Yes.
Dispatch: Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?
Caller: Why?
Dispatch: You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana.
Caller: Awww. Are you serious?
Deputies then located Kruse, took him to a family member and gave him a lecture on the proper usage of the 911 number. Apparently, nothing that was said to him sunk into his thick head, which led him to call 911 yet again, this time while on I-95, on his way to a Lil Wayne rap concert in Miami. The emergency? Kruse wanted a police escort to the concert.
An excerpt from the second 911 call:
Dispatch: You want a police escort to take you to Miami?
Caller: Or, you have a helicopter?
Dispatch: We don’t just send helicopters up for rappers.
Caller: Well, I’m driving there right now. I just wanted the fastest way to get there. I didn’t want to get pulled over on the highway.
He was asked to pull of the Interstate where police met up with him and promptly arrested him for misusing the 911 emergency number. Although this dumbass admitted smoking marijuana in the first 911 call, the cops figured he was under the influence of something the second time around.
Someone with the user name of Oynot had this to say in the comments section of the story.
Anybody want to argue that marijuana doesn’t burn brain cells?
Yeah. He may be a pot smoker but he clearly is also an idiot that may not have had too many brain cells to begin with. You just can’t fix stupid.
The Postman Always Burns Twice
June 24th, 2009 by Rick
York, England’s Neil Goddard, 32, decided to burn at least 10,000 pieces of junk mail he was supposed to deliver. In the course of his quest to avoid sobriety, Goddard smoked himself lazy, to the point where actually doing his job didn’t sound as good as burning through his supposed $13,000 worth of trees.
Apparently Goddard’s mother had recently died and he was smoking copious amounts of cannabis in order to deal with the loss and depression that it caused. Goddard plead guilty to impeding the flow and burning the mail, on top of some charges of him claiming payments for the junk mail not delivered.
He even had a trial back in April which found him guilty of cultivating marijuana in order to distribute it. After both trials, Goddard surprisingly received only a year in jail.
Pot Falls from Sky, Arrests Ensue
June 23rd, 2009 by Rick
Two New Mexico men became paranoid in the skies for good reason above Norwalk, Ohio when a jet belonging to U.S. border patrol (that happened to be working with Homeland Security) began following their single engine, 1963 Mooney airplane.
Dropping to an altitude so that one of them could dump a duffle bag that contained 20-25 pounds of weed, they figured that the authorities wouldn’t be able to track the pot that landed.
Ryan C. Thomas, 47, of Albuquerque and Greg J. Baca, 47, of Los Alamos were charged each with a second degree felony — one count of trafficking marijuana. The pair might have gotten away with the mid-air drop but a witness had seen the bag land in a field near May Road and State Rt. 598 south of Willard, Ohio and then called the authorities. The plane landed in Norwalk-Huron County Airport where they were greeted by k-9 drug sniffing dogs who immediately alerted the authorities to a suspicious marijuana odor on the plane.
Guy Misdials Himself into Sting
June 23rd, 2009 by Russ
Our bad-luck stoner of the week award goes to John Milligan of Salem, New Jersey. Apparently, instead of texting his local pot dealer, he rang the phone of off-duty officer Christopher Pew. Never missing an opportunity to chalk up a drug arrest, Officer Pew arranged to meet the texter at a local mall, where he arrested Milligan and his girlfriend for “loitering to commit a controlled-dangerous-substance offense.”
With some reluctance to add insult to injury, one might wonder why Mr. Milligan had failed to program his dealer’s name into his cell phone. And, if this was a first-time buy, is it possible that some mischievous type intentionally fed Milligan the policeman’s personal digits?
In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi:
In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck.
Whether this was the result of foul-play, poor memory, dyslexia, or fate remains to be seen.
Man Sparks Joint in New Zealand Parliament
June 18th, 2009 by Rick
Meanwhile, way down under, in New Zealand…
Around 5:30pm, during the second reading of the Resource Management (Climate Protection) Amendment Bill in the Parliament building, an unidentified man briefly lit up a marijuana joint and smoked it in the public gallery until he was whisked by security and hauled away. The man then was taken into custody by Wellington police.
Warren Inkster, spokesman for Parliamentary Services, said that there was no resistance and that aside from the building having a no smoking zone and the man breaking drug laws:
Parliamentary codes of conduct surrounding behaviour in the chamber would have been broken.
Wellington police provided no further details and Parliamentary police have been unavailable to comment.
Drug Abuse Foundation CEO Busted
June 17th, 2009 by Russ
Master of Irony, Craig Farris, was arrested last Thursday afternoon when he attempted to sell meth and ecstasy to an undercover police officer. Farris, founder and CEO of the Over the Wall Foundation, made his initial fortune helping young people face and recover from addiction. Apparently he’s making a second fortune by re-establishing himself as their primary drug dealer in their Foundation Sponsored Relapse.
In an interesting twist, the drugs intercepted by police turned out not to be illicit drugs at all. Sly Craig Farris not only has got the best racket in town (dealing drugs to addicts inside their own treatment center), he’s pawning off Tylenol and oregano to do it. At least he’s consistent: he lacks scruples as a drug counselor and a drug dealer at the same time.
Man Arrested for Breaking into Prison
June 3rd, 2009 by Russ
In the ‘watch out what you wish for’ category, an Arkansas man was arrested this week for attempting to sneak into a local state prison and join in the thriving contraband trade market. 20-year old Bobby Finley was carrying pocketfuls of coke and cigarettes when police caught him cutting down a chain link fence surrounding the Miller County Jail.
The 20-year old entrepreneur will undoubtedly serve the 19 years of his sentence trying to figure out the ins and outs of the Arkansas Prison Drug Dealing Network. Finley was sentenced to two separate three-year possession charges as well as a little known ‘furnishing prohibited substances’ charge. Apparently, this is something that you can only be charged with while operating in a prison environment.
So, not only did Mr. Finley attempt to illegally infiltrate a building full of law enforcement officials, he managed to break laws that few of us even knew existed. If he keeps this up, he may be in the running for a Darwin Award some day.
