How to Setup Your Kid for Failure in Life
November 19th, 2008 by AlexStep 1) Name him/her after a notorious underworld figure - and don’t forget to fuck up on the spelling.
Step 2) Finished.
I mean, really. This kid shouldn’t even be on trial. His parents should be dragged before the judge and asked if they saw a crack possession charge coming when they named their bundle of joy “Dalcapone Alpaccino.”
I would pay a serious chunk of change to hear just a piece of the conversation about how Dalcapone got named…
Mom: Let’s name this thing Lucciano Pescci Denirogotti.
Dad: Nah woman, Dalcapone Alpaccino.
Mom: Nailed it!
Hmmm, I wonder if anyone else was unlucky enough to be named Dalcapone? Yep, this douche was.
Back to Dalcapone Alpaccino, his whole docket’s available online, but you shouldn’t be able to charge anyone with parents as stupid as this. No matter what he allegedly did, it’s not all his fault, he didn’t even get a fair start.
Boy Arrested for Delivering Fake Drugs
November 13th, 2008 by Perry
In Port St. Lucie, Florida, police arrested a local boy, 15, for pretending to sell marijuana to his friend.
The elder boy said he was going to play a trick on his friend. He said he had a bag of parsley that he was going to make his friend think was marijuana.
The 15-year old boy was arrested on a charge of possession of a counterfeit controlled substance with the intent to deliver, when he was found by police during school hours. Apparently stupidity is no longer a charge on the books in Florida.
Man Busted When Police Call Leads to Warrant
November 12th, 2008 by Perry
Something smells funky in this story, just like it did for the officers who responded to a Sheboygan resident’s call for help. The police officers arrested Justin Luecke after they found a marijuana pipe in his bedroom.
The reason they were there? Luecke called the police to report a robbery and officers said they found the pipe in plain view. The complaint said officers got a warrant and returned to find marijuana, “packaging” and a scale. Luecke now faces up to 26 months in jail if convicted on all charges, including felony marijuana possession.
Yeah, there’s no way that could be pronounced, “Luh-key.”
Washington Coed Booked for Bong Smashing
November 10th, 2008 by Perry
Over the weekend, a Bellingham, WA resident who tried to help a friend that was getting arrested, intervened and got involved in all the wrong ways. Her friend was pulled over and arrested with more than 30 bags of weed packaged for sale, a scale and a couple bongs. Sensing imminent danger, like Wonder Woman, she sprung into action.
While officers were preparing to cite the driver with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver, the woman grabbed the bongs and started running.
Later after being detained, she told the officer she was trying to help her friend avoid a paraphernalia charge. It sounds to me like the classic “bong grab-n-dash” but the next time you smash someone’s bongs to try and help them, please don’t.
The friend, as it turns out, wasn’t getting charged with paraphernalia possesion. Even if he was, it wouldn’t have mattered that she smashed the bong to pieces. Additionally, if you’re over 18, which it turns out her friend was not, you can submit a request to get evidence back after a trial. Yet, since he was a minor, she just saved the officer some time by breaking the paraphernalia and got herself booked too.
Warning: Don’t Bring Drugs to the Phillipines
October 31st, 2008 by Alex
Holy shit! They do not mess around in Manilla.
Richard M. Sy was sentenced to 12 to 16 years of prison after being found guilty for possessing less than two grams of marijuana.
Apparently Sy never saw Brokedown Palace, Return to Paradise or Never Say Regret. The moral in all of those movies is Asian countries, particularly Southeastern ones, do not fuck around when it comes to narcotics.
The judge handed down a 6 page decision, and now Richard gets plenty of time to reflect about what the hell he was doing in the Philippines in the first place.
Sorry man…
Barenaked Ladies Frontman and the “Sniffy Jiffy”
October 29th, 2008 by Perry
Barenaked Ladies lead singer and guitarist Steven Page may have caught a break the way usually only the rich seem to be able to, in his recent felony drug possession case.
Per TMZ:
Page was caught with a vial of white powder back in July sitting in his apartment.
Any cocaine possession is usually a felony in New York, but Page plead down to a misdemeanor, which means if he stays out of trouble for six months it comes off his record altogether.
Cartel Leader Busted in Tijuana
October 27th, 2008 by Perry
The violence of the cartel struggle may eventually wind up being its undoing. Mexican cartel leader Eduardo Arellano Felix was recently captured after the violence became too much and someone revealed Felix’s location to law enforcement.
Felix had a $5 million reward leading for information for his arrest, after nearly 150 people (many in Felix’s organization) were killed in the last month alone.
In all, at least 57 suspected organized crime members, a majority of them believed to be part of the Arellano Felix organization, were killed in the last week, including 12 dumped in front of an elementary school Sept. 29 and eight tossed in an industrial yard Thursday.
Experts argue over whether taking down Felix as the head will actually make a difference. “Old cartels don’t seem to go away; they just seem to morph into new variants over time,” said David Shirk, director of the Trans-Border Institute at the University of San Diego. “There’s strong continuity for these organizations, dating back multiple generations of smugglers.”
[image via Sigloxxi]
Miss Louisiana Teen USA Arrested for Being Dumb
October 22nd, 2008 by Alex
Oh the ole’ dine & dash routine. Miss Louisiana Teen USA Lindsey Evans, for all of her good looks, has no future as a master criminal.
The cajun beauty queen left her purse, weed bag (in the purse) and a $46 bill behind when she and her friends ditched out on a meal. Evans, to her credit, left her portion of the check on the table, but foiled the getaway for her friends when she went back to the restaurant for her purse and the police were still there. D’oh!
A crucial step in the ‘dash’ part is to actually take your personal belongings along. Cops can be slow, but with your ID they might just be able to make a collar.
It doesn’t matter much if she loses her crown, as the next Miss Louisiana will be chosen next month anyway…
Bonus pic after the jump.
[photos via MissLouisianaUSA.com]
