Canada Reports Drug Use High, Crime Low
May 20th, 2009 by Russ
Something is rotten in the state of Canada. The country’s national statistics agency, Statistics Canada, recently reported that while the overall crime rate is at a 30-year low, drug arrests are at a 30-year high. Befuddled Canadian officials could only speculate as to any causes for the huge discrepancy.
Several possibilities could explain this phenomenon:
- Some sort of Brave New World-esque ‘Soma’ drug has pacified all of the canucks simultaneously. Good old burglary and assault just can’t compete with the vast psychotropic pleasures offered by this new substance.
- Someone at the provincial police department thought they might try only enforcing drug crimes for a decade or three. After all, why go through all of the legwork of investigating and pursuing actual violent criminals when you can simply hit up your local street corner and do some drug rips? Easy in, easy out, arrest rates stay up, and no homework for the cops.
- Every single Canadian criminal is now safely behind bars.
To be fair, #3 can’t be the case. As it turns out, Statistics Canada reports that almost half of all drug charges in 2007 were stayed, withdrawn, or dismissed. Furthermore, 2 out of 3 of all of the record-tallying drug arrests were for marijuana.
It would seem that the nation of Canada has proved that there is little to no association between drug use and crime (as the heightened drug use has corresponded with the lowest crime rate in memory.) Also, it appears that due to the remarkably low crime rate, there is virtually nothing for the Canadian police to do with their time other than harass weed smokers (who inevitably are released without charge.)
There are few things more dangerous than hicks who are both bored and heavily armed. Perhaps the National Curling and/or Hockey League should expand their recruitment — for all our sakes.
